Title: To Move On Author: Tamahome/Endymion no Megami Email: truly_susie@hotmail.com Rating: PG13 I hope that you guys enjoyed reading this fic; praise and comments are good! But money is the best way to repay me for writing this! (to borrow the words of a certain 17 year old guy...) Alas, I am not a writer of action... but I'm working on it. Romance galore... I hope. And hopefully no spelling mistakes. And sorry if I'm a little too heavy on the drama and dark "forebodings" of the future... what can I say, too much sci fi and fantasy and horror books. I added a few scenes that were not in the OVA originally. I thought that Tamahome needed a little more character; after all, he wasn't just the "bad" guy in diguise; he really was Tamahome, and had his own (if somewhat twisted) motives for what he did. We still love him, no da? Disclaimer: why on earth to I still put these things in, when we all KNOW that they're of no use? I don't think that Naoko Takeuchi even reads these things. Or Watase Yuu. But heck, the public enjoys them, so why not? Another point I have to make: I love getting email from you guys. Even if it is just a one-liner saying that you like the story. Although, some constructive criticism would be nice... *ahem* onto the disclaimer: I do not, did not, never have, and probably never will own Fushigi Yuugi. Amen, no da. ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- Miaka lay in bed, thinking. Worrying, rather. They still hadn't found the rest of Tamahome's memory stones for Taka. And what was worse, they didn't know where the rest of the memory stones had got to, after Tenkou had stolen them. Tenkou. The very name made Miaka's mind panic, her pulse speeding faster. He was the one who could destroy everything. An upstart, conceited young man, who thought too much of himself. He was trying to become a god. And he was succeeding. Well, succeeding as far as Miaka was concerned, anyway. If they couldn't get the lost memory stones back, and find the rest of Tamahome's memory stones... Taka would cease to exist. And Miaka couldn't bear for that to happen. She wouldn't. She had lost him so many, many times before. All she had ever wanted was him; not to be savior of Konan, messiah to the people. Only to be herself, and to be with the one she loved. Taka. But it hadn't always been Taka. Before -- it seemed like a whole different lifetime now -- it had been Tamahome she had looked towards. Tamahome had been the one she would have given her life for. But in a sense, it was still the same way. Taka was Tamahome... wasn't he? He didn't have Tamahome's memories... He wasn't the same as Tamahome. But Miaka had realized long before that she didn't love him just for Tamahome. It was for himself. She rolled over onto her side, closer to the sleeping Taka next to her. She smiled lovingly as she gazed at him. He looked so peaceful... so young and innocent. So different from when he was awake. Because in the world they lived in, there was no time to be young. No chance to be innocent. Not when you were a former Suzaku seishi. But somehow, Miaka had still found it possible to find happiness in the midst of all the turmoil. It was still possible to love; actually, it was impossible not to love. And for that, she was thankful. Snuggling herself closer to Taka, she felt his arm go around her protectively, holding her to him. Feeling warm, and safe, and loved. She fell asleep again. ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- She stirs in my arms, and once again I feel an overwhelming wave of happiness, just for this moment. In these past few weeks, I've realized just how important it is to love and to have love. I would be content to just lie here, with her, forever. I only wish that it could be so, but it can't. The fates, it seems, are set against our love. No matter how many obstacles we pass, there are always more waiting, hidden. Appearing unbidden, at the worst moments. Sometimes I wonder if she really loves me. Because I am nothing but a shadow; a vessel. I am a copy of the one that she used to love; the one named Tamahome. It infuriates me sometimes, to know that some other man has held her like this to him, but it's a little ridiculous, really. Because, in theory, that man was me. Only, the problem is that he isn't me. We share none of the same memories, none of the same worlds; the only thing we share is our love for the girl for whom I live. Miaka. Miaka. It's rather strange how she alone can light up my day. I could be reliving the apocalypse in my own little world, but she could turn the darkest, most unendurable hell into the brightest Eden with a smile or a touch. Which is why I refuse to lose her. After hearing what the other Suzaku seishi have told me of what happened before, and from what I learned when I had the memory balls inside me, Miaka had gone through hell for what we have today. That's why I refuse to lose. Because however weak my new body, reincarnation and experiences may be, I still love her. And I won't ever let go. ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- Tasuki and I wake up at the same time. Strange. We used to fight all the time; he still refuses to call me Taka, but insists on calling me Tamahome. The person that I am not. But ever since he was possessed by a demon, he and I have become closer; he's like the brother I never had. A very vicious, tessen-bearing brother. I look up and into the mirror. Such an everyday thing, to check yourself in the mirror; you take it for granted that you can see yourself there. That you will be able to see yourself there. But this time, when I look, I see nothing. At first, I think that it's because I'm looking at the mirror from the wrong angle. But I'm not; it's straight in front of me. It's as though I'm not there. A small voice whispers inside my head, but I brush it off angrily. No. No. This can't be happening. Dimly, I hear Tasuki giving me a friendly greeting, and his hand on my shoulder. But then he looks into the mirror too, involuntarily as we all do, and he sees what I see. His hand resting on nothingness. So, is this what is going to happen because I didn't find all the memory stones? Little pieces of me will disappear slowly, inexorably, until I an nothing but truly a shadow? I realize now, that a shadow is probably all I ever was. All I ever will be. I should have known. But still, I feel a strange panic about it. Suddenly, all that matters is that Miaka will not find out. She can't. As long as she still thinks of me as a real person... I turn to Tasuki and plead for him not to tell her. I can tell my eyes are panicked, but I don't care anymore. What does it matter if I'll always be a shadow if I have Miaka? Tasuki simply stares at me; he doesn't know what to do. At this moment, I don't feel that I know anything, save for that fact that Miaka... Miaka can't know. My thoughts are interrupted, however, by Chichiri bursting in through the door. His usually calm face looks strained and worried, and he tells us that we have trouble. I should have guessed. ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- It's Tamahome. Tamahome. His name echoes over and over again in my head, bringing with it flashes of memory; I recall all the moments we spent together, each a precious memory. But how can Tamahome be here if... If Taka is standing here, right beside me? How can I love both of them? Because I realize now that even though they may share the same soul, and were once the same person, they are now different... My thoughts are interrupted when Tamahome starts to explain why he is here. Fragments of what he is saying pierce through the muddled thoughts in my head. "Suzaku... must return... need your power... shadow double won't last much longer..." Shadow double. Is that what Taka is? Merely a shadow double of the one I loved? He can't be. He isn't. He is the one I love. But I used to love Tamahome. Over and over again, these thoughts whirl through my head. But in the end, I suppose it all boils down into one question. Who? Suddenly, Taka and Tamahome begin to argue. Tamahome is here for me... But Taka cuts in angrily, saying that he had asked Suzaku for me, only to get such a deal as this... suddenly, he walks out of the room. I realize that I don't want him to go. Watching him go is so painful... Somehow, I feel as though he is walking out of my life. But he isn't. He can't be. I love him! Tamahome appeals to me. "You believe me, right Miaka? No; you understand, right?" But how can I understand? Understand that he is now two different people; both of whom I love... And to understand that I have to lose one of them? That I have to lose Taka? Suddenly, the black that has been lurking around the edges of my mind, beckoning, envelops me and I know no more. ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- My head hurts. It throbs, but is nothing compared to the pain that lives in my chest. It grows with every breath that I take; sometimes it gets so bad that I feel that I can't breathe; I can't live anymore. The back of my throat aches as well; my whole body hurts, screams at the pain and injustice of being separated from something that I need as much as the air around me. Probably even more. But am I the one that she needs now? The shadow double of the man she always loved. The one that she loved before me. I hear her moan my name in her sleep, but surely she is just fooling herself. Maybe it would be better for her if I simply walked out right now, because it is clear to me that I am causing her so much pain. So I make my decision. To spare her the pain, I will take it all upon myself and give her back the life that she should have led, had the gods been kind. What does it matter, anyhow? As a mere shadow double, I will be dead soon. Putting my hand up to my neck, I undo the chain that lies around it and take the ring off of it. Looking at it shine dully in the sunlight, I am hit by another wave of pain. I hand it quickly to Tamahome; I find it strange that he should look exactly like me. But he is the real one; so I suppose that it's wrong for me to look exactly like him. Miaka doesn't need me anymore, and neither do the seishi; I never had any powers like him in the fist place. So I might as well spare them the pain. I hear him thank me for taking his place... I automatically reply, "You're welcome." Ironic, that he should thank me for such a thing. Taking his place would be something I'd be willing to give anything and everything up for. The pain is now almost too much to bear; so I walk out, away from it. I only wish it were that easy. ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- I walk through the woods, passing the seishi without a word. Tasuki, likes always, cuts straight through the crap and asks me the question. "Tamahome. Where are you sneaking off to at this time of night?" Well, I think. Isn't it obvious, now that the real me is here? "I'm going home." Chiriko tries to stop me by making me feel guilty. "Even when things aren't settled between Tenkou and us?" Somehow, I don't believe that things will ever be settled. I find that after leaving Miaka, my whole being is pervaded by a sense of hopelessness. I don't even want to try to plan my future. Who gives a damn? Then Nuriko cuts in. "So, I see, your running away, you're gonna go home and give up Miaka. So that's what Taka Sukunami is like..." Now I'm beginning to feel some guilt. But I rationalize away, anyway. "You saw Miaka back there. She's troubled, and my presence will only make it worse. That's why I'm leaving. Tasuki? You saw. I won't even show up in a mirror, because I'm a 'shadow', right? Isn't this great? Miaka will finally be bound with Tamahome, and... "Do you really think that's true? Because I think that you are the real Tamahome." Chiriko. Trying to make a save of an impossible situation. It won't work. "I'm... not. The character doesn't even show up on my body." My body is bathed in a warm red light, and the power of Suzaku beckons to me. "You see? Even the Suzaku's telling me to go home." But the seishi still persist, trying to make me stay. Hotohori tells me that I am worthy, because of how I helped him know his son. Chichiri reminds me of how I helped him and his best friend. The others try to make me stay as well. But somehow, I feel detached from this all, as if it weren't my life. "Chiriko, I'm sorry. How you fought, and how you passed away. I don't remember that." My words bring Chiriko to tears, even though he is still a ghost. Somehow, I find that strange. Will I still feel when I become a ghost? Or will I simply disappear when the shadow is back amongst his kind, like a shadow melts into the darkness? Then Tasuki takes his turn. "The one who believed me to the very last. The one who cried for me... Wasn't that you?! You said that no matter what happened, your feelings for Miaka wouldn't change! You're gonna... You're gonna disappear and you're ok with it?! Don't go." I can feel the shifting between the two worlds. My body begins to flicker in the book, even as it begins to appear in the real world. Home. I wish them all well, and I feel the final transition made as the world around me wavers and begins to look a filtered red color. The last thing I hear is Tasuki yelling. "Taka!!!" It's strange that he should call me that; up until now, he always made it a point to address me as Tamahome. ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- I find myself back in my apartment. The seishi had tried to talk me into staying... Part of me had wanted to, but the other rebelled. Why should I stay in some place that didn't need me, when the real thing was there? Which was why I had returned. At least one thing had been on my side today; the Suzaku had transported me back without any trouble. "The Suzaku's pretty nice." The doorbell rings, and I find Keisuke standing on the front door. How did he know I was here? I ask him so, and he shows me the scroll of Suzaku. It seems that no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to get away from Miaka and the Seishi. He punches me, and I fall back into something hard. A table. Red-hot pain immediately sears through my body, but I welcome the pain. Anything would be easier to endure than the slow ache that is eating through my heart right now. He grabs a hold of my collar and pulls me up, while I will him to bring more pain to me, to distract me from the pain inside. "You wanna say 'Why did I gotta get hit all of a sudden'?! You wanna say 'I'm the one who's hurtin'?? That's right, you withdrew yourself for Miaka's sake! You're a man among men, right? If you give up, Miaka and everyone else can be happy. You love her so much, you can do that. Don't act so cool." Suddenly, he lets go, looking defeated. Which is exactly how I feel at the moment; the whole world is against me, and so is the world inside the book; why should I bother? Keisuke turns to leave, but at the last moment, turns around to face me. "I felt that I could believe it... No, I believed it. Watching you two, that love was... That the power of love could change anything. I seriously believed a childish thing like that. I'm angry and frustrated at myself, for not being able to do anything. It's a strange thing to say, but maybe you guys could've pulled it off. Even if your opponent was... the real Tamahome." The real Tamahome. That hit hard. It seemed that everything came down to that. The real Tamahome. I was nothing but a shadow; a mere substitute for the real thing. I had been fooling myself and Miaka all along. ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- I wake up, panicked. For some reason, I feel that I've lost something. But it can't be true. I haven't lost anything. I need to find him. Taka. Walking through the hallways, a sense of desolateness overcomes me. I begin to run, telling myself that I'm being ridiculous; Taka is here. He has to be. Any moment now, he'll show up right in front of me and... My train of though is cut off when he... Tamahome appears ahead of me. Reaching out, his hand touches my cheek. "I have something I need to tell you." Taking my hand, he guides me back to my room. And while I am looking at our joined hands, I notice that he's wearing a wedding band. Taka's wedding band. ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- Standing in the shower, I let the water run over my body, with my eyes closed. I find it strange that the water doesn't go straight through me; at least that hasn't happened yet. Everything around me seems to have a strange sort of detachment; it's as if nothing really matters anymore. And I suppose it doesn't -- life without her is meaningless. I don't feel any pain at that thought. Stepping out of the shower, I pull on a pair of jeans. I begin to dry my hair with a towel, stepping closer to the mirror as I do so. This mirror doesn't reflect me, either. Maybe this detachment is my punishment for giving up so easily. But how can it be a punishment, if nothing hurts? "At least I don't have to see my miserable face." I ponder while looking in the empty mirror. It is an old fable that vampires cannot be seen or reflected in any surface. Vampires are the undead; the ones without souls. Is that what I am now? A mere shadow of a person, without a soul? My thoughts are interrupted when an image glows and then coalesces in the mirror. It's me; and yet it's not. Tamahome. "Yo. You're such an idiot." I should feel no emotion at his words; I realize that I built a barrier around myself after I left the book, or Miaka, actually. But I feel a burning, white hot rage at him. Myself. I try to move, to do something to hurt him, even though he is still inside the mirror, but I find with horror that I am rooted to the spot. Attached to the mirror, to him, even though I am unwilling. A metaphor for my life. "You went home by yourself." I struggle to get myself away from him, this apparition of me, in vain. I feel a dawning horror of comprehension. "Don't hate me so much. I'm you, you know. Can't you tell? My feelings and my powers are just as they were before. After all, I'm made of all the things you lost." The bastard. He was the one who took my memory stones; it was with those, the stones that I should have had, that he was able to become Tamahome. "Ha! It's too late! Did you think that the light of Suzaku would show up so easily, without intervention?" A demon-like spectre appears behind him, and at first I think that it is merely a figure of my imagination; but it isn't. It's Tenkou. "Lord Tenkou lent his powers for poor you." At least it's only Lord, and not Holy, I muse to myself in a detached part of my mind. "All the stones are within ME!!! That's why YOU'RE the fake." At this, I feel an all-encompassing rage at him; at the injustice of it all. The fates must really be against this. "That... That's DIRTY!" Abruptly, the mirror in front of me cracks into shards, and blows outwards, sending me flying with it. I can feel the small shards slice through my skin, and as I kneel on the floor, rivulets of blood flow over my skin and drip to the floor. My eyes fix onto a larger shard of mirror still left on the frame. Tamahome is still there, taunting me. "It's too late. The real one is me, now. Miaka won't ever come back. She's MINE." I draw myself up, ignoring the pain that shoots through my body at that tiny movement. Somehow, I think that if I can just get to that last piece of mirror, I could get my Miaka back. "Later, Taka." The rest of the mirror breaks and falls to the floor, making a tinkling sound. And I am left alone again, in the darkness. "Miaka... minna..." My tears drip to the floor, mingling with my crimson blood. ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- I walk out, in a sort of drunken stupor, through the streets of Tokyo, not really knowing where I am. All the time, I reflect over all the events that led up to this. I see little scenes from my memory; and the remarkable thing is that Miaka is in all of them. It's as if my life didn't start until I met her. I find myself in front of a park bench, and I sit down. Maybe my life didn't start until I met her. Didn't my life end when I left her? I never should have left. And now I have no way of getting back. ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- Standing on the roof of the high school, I realize that every little thing here reminds me of her. And it will again, even more. "Nuriko, Tasuki..." I say to myself. "I said no matter what. No matter what, I'd go on loving you, Miaka. But if I'm going to disappear, well, I guess that's not fair to say, is it? "To fall in love with someone... To love someone... To make someone happy..." I look up at the sky and yell to no one and everyone. "IT HAS TO BE ME!!!!" I hold out my arms, and say her name. "Miaka." I can feel the pulling, the cord between us. Even while stretching between two worlds, it is always there, holding us together. Binding our love. "Miaka... Miaka, come here." ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- He is holding me again. Tamahome. It's surprising, but being in his arms is nothing like being held by Taka. All I can see is the wedding band in his hands, that he is holding out to me. Showing me. "I think that it was hard for him, too. When he found out that he was simply a shadow... I'm sorry, but I didn't stop him." I look at him, desperately hoping that this is all some sort of practical joke. A nightmare. Because this is what I never wanted to happen. I was always afraid of choosing between Tamahome and Taka. "It's hard for you, because you're so gentle. But Miaka, now I see; don't you? We were meant for each other. So that I can protect you, and so that we can make each other happy for the rest of our lives. I know that you cared about Taka, and I'm sure that he cared about you as well. But I think... no, I KNOW that what we have is so much better! Please, forget about him! The one who loves you is me!" His words flow around me, weaving a spell. Maybe he's right. Tamahome was who I fell in love with first, in the Universe of Four Gods. It was always him... "Chichiri and Tasuki will stay with us. The others will be reborn soon, and we'll all be together again. I promised you, didn't I? That I'd make you the happiest bride in the world." I look up at him, and once again I am struck by how similar he looks to... Taka. "Wo ai ni."* "Tamahome..." He leans in to kiss me, and I want to hesitate. But why should I? Isn't this what I always wanted, for us to be together again? To be with him? But... wasn't Taka Tamahome? I pull away from him quickly, and I begin to talk. Not only to tell him, but to realize it myself. "I... you know, I... Until... I could call him "Taka" without any mistakes... It took me a whole month. He was somehow different from you, but..." "He doesn't matter anymore!" "He was always smiling, and always great and open, and... and he always, always watched me!" In that moment, I realized that I had somehow fallen out of love with Tamahome and in love with Taka. I didn't know how, but Taka was all that mattered now. "Miaka, what can he do? I'm right here! Look at me!" "You're Tamahome, but you're different! I don't know if it's you who has changed or if it's me, but now, the one I look to is him! He's calling me. I have to go to him. Taka!!" Red balls of light surround my body, sealing me away from the book and drawing me back to the real world. Back to Taka. ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- The red light engulfs me, and then I'm back in his arms again. Taka's arms. I realize that he was all that ever mattered. I whisper his name over and over again, as he does with mine. We are together again, and that's all that matters. Us. ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- I stand in the dark corner, letting my anger build. She was mine. MINE. And that... that underhanded, shadow of man took her away from me. But I figure that winning her back won't be too hard; after all, he is nothing but a shadow of the real thing. He cannot win, not against me. I feel the righteous fury light a tight ball in my chest, and it is all I can do, to force myself not to act at this very moment. There are things to do, things to plan. So little time. I hear the seishi enter the room, and they pause before seeing me in the shadows. Perhaps they were the ones who influenced Miaka to turn against me. Anyway, they will pay; not only for their crimes, but for his. Because Miaka didn't want to be taken away. She loved me, dammit. She was only tricked, coerced into following their wishes. She wanted to stay with me. She wanted me! ME. Because I love her. And because I can't stand the thought of waking up again, knowing that I won't be able to see her today, again, maybe ever. It won't happen. "Where's Miaka?" they ask. They make it sound like an innocent question, but I know that they're sneakily trying to magnify my pain. She will be mine. "She went back. And left me alone. Looks like she... Returned. To where he is." Lord Tenkou stands behind me, and I am ready to reclaim what was always rightfully mine. ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- I'm in Taka's room, lying with him in bed, and it's as if we have our own little world together. There's only me and him, together. As we make love for the first time, I think to myself of how we truly are one now. Mind, soul, and body. Tamahome's words ring in my ears. "I'll make you the happiest bride in the world..." And he has. Tamahome wasn't Tamahome in the book. Taka was Tamahome all along, the only one I could love. I feel warm and comfortably sleepy and tired, as he holds me to him. We don't talk; nothing needs to be said. for some reason, that old bible phrase flashes through my mind. Which is strange, because I'm not Christian. But it describes how I feel at the moment perfectly. I am content, filled with so much happiness that I feel that I could never hold it all in. And with that last thought, my eyes close slowly, as I fall back into the oblivion of sleep. ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- I don't think that I've ever felt so happy and contented in all my life. Lying here, next to the one I love, our hearts beating together, so close to each other. It's the kind of feeling that you get on a cold winter morning, when you're all warm underneath layers and layers of blankets. You don't want to get up, but you have to. Which is how I feel now. I never want this moment to end, but it has to. It's clichéd, but the fate of the world lies on our unlucky shoulders. But I wouldn't go so far as to call myself unlucky at the moment. Far from it; I must be one of the happiest beings on Earth right now. I am unable to stop the thought as if flashes through my head. Instantly, I feel cursed. But it's true; Miaka and I might not survive this final battle. Because it's not just against Tenkou; it's against Tamahome. Myself. I can't shake the feeling of impending doom from my mind. It's like when you say "things can't possibly get any worse than this", but fate immediately sends something else down, even worse than before. So I make up my mind to enjoy this precious moment for as long as I can. I look down at Miaka while she's sleeping. Her face looks perfectly serene and composed, unlike how she looks when she's awake. She's always so energetic and enthusiastic and so... alive. She stirs, and her eyes open sleepily. She smiles as me, while yawning and stretching. I kiss the top of her head lovingly, while she snuggles closer to me. Unwilling to break the fragility of the moment, I let the silence stretch on for a while, just holding her a little closer. Finally, I kiss her again and ask her, "What do you want to do now?" Miaka smiles at me again, looking totally angelic. "Mmm... The stars. I want to go see the stars." The stars are something I'm familiar with. After growing up in the countryside, I learned all the constellations by name; but I now know them by different names. Hotohori, Nuriko, Mitsukake, Chichiri, Tasuki, Chiriko, and Tamahome. "Alright. After all this is taken care of, I'll take you to where I grew up, and we'll look at the stars together." In a way, it's a promise to myself that we will survive through this, and my promise to Miaka that I'll be there when it's all over. I have to be. If I wasn't, I'd never forgive myself. ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- Miaka and I are probably as ready as we'll ever be. Ready to face the biggest fight of our lives; but at least, this time, we're prepared. Having faced Seiryuu and its seishi before... This should be pretty easy compared to that. After all, Tenkou isn't a god... yet. And there are no additional seishi to fight this time. Except for Tamahome. And I have to face the fact that he is so, so much stronger than me. He has all his... my memories. The power of Suzaku in that character on his forehead. Unearthly knowledge of martial arts, and an incredible amount of chi... karma. Life force. But I have an advantage. I am fighting for Miaka. I can't fail her; it's simply unthinkable. Yui comes to visit us; she looks at us a little strangely, as if we're acting oddly. Which, I suppose, we are. But she confirms that she is happy with her life right now, with Tetsuya. Which is good. ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- I hope that she will be as happy with Tetsuya as I am with Taka. She deserves it, after such a long time of unhappiness and despair. How unfair life was to her. I always felt guilty about that. But then, I suppose that we were all dealt unlucky cards in life. To wield such unimaginable power; as Suzaku no Miko, Priestess of the God Suzaku. I hold an obligation now, not only to the people of Suzaku, but the people of the Universe of Four Gods, and to my world. We have to succeed. We must. I look to Taka, and he smiles at me reassuringly, bravely. My throat constricts in fear, and my heart overflows with love for him. I know that he is scared; scared of losing, of dying... Of losing what we have. As I am. As the light of Suzaku bathes us, I wonder dimly if I will ever be able to be free of these duties, these heavy responsibilities. I hope so. ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- We arrive in a great hall, somewhere in the Universe of Four Gods, I assume. As soon as I adjust myself to my surroundings, little strings of light snake their way towards me and connect themselves to my skin. They pierce the surface, sending little tendrils snaking into my body. My nerves scream in protest, and I can see drops of crimson red through my hazy vision. Dimly, I hear someone screaming, and I realize that it's me. I struggle unsuccessfully for a moment, when I find myself suspended in the air. Like my burden of being Suzaku no Miko, which I cannot escape, I am forced to watch this battle between the two men I love most in this world. Because I can't deny it any more; I love Tamahome as well as Taka. And Tamahome is here, radiating a powerful aura that reminds of the time when he found his family murdered by the hands of the Seiryuu seishi. It was frightening then, to see the incredible amount of power and chi that could flow from his fingertips, at his command. And this is the power he wields today, against Taka. As I watch Taka worriedly, I suddenly realize how vulnerable he is. He has nothing; no martial arts training, no real control of his chi. This life was not of his choosing; it's my fault he's here. My fault. I don't think that I could bear to lose him again. But I am faced with the fact that the chances are, he will not survive this battle. If he does not survive... I won't let him be alone. Never alone. Because I don't want to be alone, either. I owe him that much. After hearing me scream, Taka turns to me worriedly. No, no, I think. Don't turn your back on the enemy! However, Tamahome has already taken advantage of the situation; he sends a chi blast directly at Taka, blasting him back. "Try defeating me." He raises his hand for another attack. "You wanna save Miaka, don't you?" He blasts Taka again. Weakly, I try to say his name, but it comes out so softly; I don't know if he can hear me. Tamahome walks past me, towards Taka. "It's your fault, Miaka. I love you so much, and you chose him over me." Taka pushes himself up off the ground, and looks at Tamahome with hatred in his eyes. "Bastard." No, no, no... this is all wrong. I should never have let Taka come with me. He... he would have been safer in our world. I could have come alone. I should be there with him now, fighting with him. And now he is helpless as Tamahome powers up again and again. As he is doing now. "Miaka is MINE!" Tamahome comes at Taka, beating him physically with his body and with his powers. Taka... I can see that he is getting weaker. Every little wound I see him receive opens new wounds for me; I only wish that I could be the one bearing all his pain. He never deserved any of this. None of it. I beg for Tamahome to stop, but he has that crazed look in his eyes. I recognise it; it was the same one on his face after he found his defenseless family murdered. That... that was my fault, too. I'll protect him. I won't let him hurt anymore. Taka looks up at Tamahome with defiance in his eyes. They have always reminded me of the midnight sky. Right now, though, they look like a raging sea before the storm is about to hit. It seemed like a premonition. "What are you so afraid of? A brat gone crazy from jealousy. Don't you have any confidence in YOURSELF?!" As he yells that last word, he pushes himself up and punches Tamahome in the face, sending him flying. He spits out blood; tears form in my eyes at what pain he must be feeling at the moment, and at his bravery. "I can't lose. Not to you. Not to myself." Tamahome looks up at that, eyes blazing. The oni symbol on his forehead glows a brilliant red, radiating unimaginable power that surely must enhanced by his alliance with Tenkou. In that moment, I feel my heart literally stop and my body goes cold. No, no, no... He can't be doing this, this isn't happening... He's powering up. I can see and sense him gathering his chi together, focusing it into a tight mass of energy... He draws back his arm, ready to release it. And in that moment, I somehow manage to sever the tendrils of light that hold me up. Wrenching the last of them out of my body, I throw myself in front of Taka, between him and Tamahome. I can only hope that I'm not too late. I can't be; this is my chance to make up for everythi... I feel a solid ball of energy slam into my body, blasting me back. My head snaps back, and my eyes open wide. I can't stop the scream that has been building up in myself anymore, and I can dimly hear it echoing around myself. The electricity and sheer, raw power of Tamahome's chi roars through my arteries, tearing into my bloodstream. My throat constricts, and I can't breathe anymore. Fine spasms travel along the muscles, pulling my nerves taut and bringing me even more pain. My vision fades to black, and comes back slowly, waveringly. I notice the smoke that enshrouds me, and the glow that marks the aftermath of Tamahome's attack. The grayness that surrounds me fades away slowly, and I am see Tamahome, only a few feet in front of me. His eyes are horrified, pupils dilated and breathing harsh. I can see tears making their way down his cheeks. But I... I don't care anymore. I force my weak body to turn slowly, to Taka, who is looking at me with that same horror-stricken face. "Miaka..." "Taka..." Suddenly, all feeling seems to escape from my body, and a wonderful numbness engulfs my being. My legs aren't able to hold me up anymore, and I collapse towards the ground. Taka catches me. Looking down, I see blood flowing from various cuts on my body. I don't feel any emotion at this; no remorse, no pain, no fear. I look back at Taka, who is holding onto me like he'll never let me go. I can sense that. "Taka... make me one with you. I love you... I'll protect you..." Then everything seems to shift and waver around me, and my vision is restored to me. Only now, everything seems to have a translucent, glowing quality to it. I look down, and realize that I'm floating above my body. I really... I really am dead. ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- As Miaka's body goes still in my arms, my hearts shudders, and seems to stop for a moment. Then it starts again, but something's different this time. In answer to Miaka's spirit being lost to me, I lose all touch to the world of the living. Dimly, like a record being played in a department store, I hear Tenkou's voice echoing in the background. "So, you destroyed each other for your love of him, Suzaku no Miko. Donning the crystal armor that your lover dressed you in, taking the man's broken soul, you marry the darkness. Things have gone so much according to my plan, it is slightly boring. But this is destiny." The crystal armor. It's almost laughable, that our love could be called a shield of some sort; it's caused us both so much pain. But I wouldn't have it any other way. And still, he persists in calling me the shadow. But I've realized that it doesn't matter anymore, shadow or no. With love, nothing matters. Then I hear Chichiri's voice. The seishi must have found a way to break in somehow. "Is this what you meant by Taka ceasing to exist? TENKOU!" "Chichiri, even I cannot erase men. Gods only lead people so they arrive to their destiny. Taka himself killed the girl he loved. He could not possibly retain his sanity. I have awaited this moment from within the Shin Tenchi no Sho (Universe of Four Gods) for a long time. A millennium later, the greed of the people grew and their love vanished. The evil within people, bestowed strength upon me, and within the world of the scroll, I became a god. Various people of that world revered me; Nakago's clan was one of them. But my true desire was that of the real world. To emerge into it, an enormous amount of power is needed. Furthermore, it must be from those who directly went against me. YOU were truly suitable for the job. Now I will go to that world, along with this ancient city of Nara." "Miaka Yuuki, Taka Sukunami... You have my gratitude. Thanks to you, I am able to tear down the gate of Suzaku binding this ancient city, and leave!" He disappears in a flash of red light. I stare at Miaka's body, transfixed. I can't force myself to look away, even as a sense of unreality takes over my body. Somehow, I believe that if I wait long enough, she will come alive and be alright... "Taka. Taka. Wake up." Looking up, I blink and see Miaka in front of me, as if this was some sort of dream. Kami-sama, I hope that it is merely a dream. "Taka, it'll be alright. You can win. You're much, much stronger than you think." Her words, so gently whispered, wash over me like a wave of emotion. She drifts down to hold my face in her hands... and I can feel her. She isn't simply a figment of my overwrought imagination. "You can hear them, right? The words that they all spoke to us gave us strength. Everyone who loved us gave it to us. That's why we can win." She smiles then, and her angelic face becomes even more beautiful. I think to myself that I would remain like this for eternity, if only I could. "I'll be right next to you. I'll always laugh with you and cry with you, and live with you," she whispers. Her arms enfold me, warming my body and giving new life and hope to my heart and mind. I hardly dare to believe what it is that she is telling me. After all this tragedy and heartbreak, I don't know if I can bring myself to believe in happy endings anymore. It's easier to expect the worst. Then, at least, you can never be disappointed. But I think that if I lived that way, I would eventually die from it. Even that one day alone, without Miaka almost killed me. I almost stopped living and became some sort of robot, always functioning but never living. I can accept hope again. I must. If I couldn't do it for myself, I could do it for Miaka. She is all that matters to me. I feel her essence enter my body, and I feel warm shivers travel up my spine. Suddenly, I don't feel so lost anymore. Along with my new found hope, I have new strength, and new understanding. I look up, finally taking in my surroundings. Gently setting Miaka on the floor, I rise and begin to walk to Tamahome. "To finally return to myself now. I might be weak. I might be insignificant. But... even when I was nothing, I felt that I wanted to live for someone." My words echo in the empty hall. I keep walking towards Tamahome, and he keeps backing away. So this is what he was afraid of. "I don't even think of wanting to become a great person anymore." Tamahome tries an attack, but I simply brush it off. It can't hurt me. I feel it graze my shoulder, and the cloth of my shirt moving, but it doesn't touch my flesh. "I can believe in myself. Even if there is only to be one person watching me from now on, I can live with pride!" "You are important, Taka, to me," Miaka's whispers. They strengthen me and my will. Coming up directly in front of Tamahome, I embrace him; myself. Myself all along. "Don't be afraid. I will accept everything that you are. Come back, inside me! You ARE me!" I hear him scream in unimaginable pain, and a red light filters through the air, engulfing us in its warm glow. Suzaku. It is time to face the lesser battle; the one against Tenkou. It can be nothing compared to what I just endured. ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- The light and smoke clear, and I find myself standing above Tokyo Bay with Miaka in my arms. I can feel the warm, scintillating glow of the character "Oni" on my forehead, once more in its rightful place. I missed it. "You can hear me, right, Tenkou? I finally understand. I was myself from the start. In order to meet Miaka, and love her... To be loved..." Noticing that that train of thought was not going anywhere, I started back on the main issue at hand. "I was probably born in this world simply to take Tamahome in. To be complete again. Thanks to you, it's taken a really long time." Tenkou appears, and he speaks. "Tamahome. Rejecting the body that I gave you... Is that your will as well?" Tenkou thinks that he can win by simply playing mind games. I don't think so. Mind games won't win him this battle; I've lost too much, hurt too much to give it to him this easily. "Remember this; ordinary people, even if we can only take a single step forward, will become stronger." The character on my forehead glows again, letting off more of my chi. I figure that I have plenty to spare. Tenkou looks slightly shaken up. "He is much stronger than Taka, and Tamahome's power cannot even compare. I can't sense any anger or sadness, but it doesn't matter. I will kill him anyway." I smirk. That will not happen. Too much rests on this for it not to happen. The symbols of the seishi appear in the air around me, glowing a warm crimson red. The seishi then appear. I remind myself to congratulate them on the theatrics later. Miaka's voice gently rings out, reciting the sacred verse of Suzaku. Let the summoning begin. ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- In a world detached from this one, I float with Miaka, holding her close to me. "I'm glad I met you," she tells me. "Yes. We'll become forever, now. Arigato, minna."* Soon, everything will be as it should, I promise myself. ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- *Thank you, everyone ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- "DESCEND!" Suzaku spreads its glorious wings, freed once more. As are Seiryuu, Genbu and Byakko. The four gods of the other universe in all their glory. Suazku begins to talk to Tenkou, explaining that he is not a god. Couldn't be one. As he speaks, I see a montage of the events leading up to this day. Being born a prince, which he should have been happy with. Then being murdered, after being accused of having an insane mind. I agreed. "And with the true gods, you will return to the darkness, where you belong." The four gods attack, and then all is blinded by a great explosion. ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- I awaken in a place so eerily quiet, it reminds me of... death. Is that what this is? Death? Is this heaven? I hear Tasuki stirring a little ways away from myself, and that last thought is quickly banished from my head. Heck, if Tasuki's here, this CAN'T be heaven. It turns out that we are at Mount Taikyoku. Taiitsu-kun, quite as scary as always, appears. She congratulates us on winning; and she tells us that the Miaka's world is to be saved, along with the lives that were lost. "You won because Taka was able to overcome the hardest thing in the world; himself. He realized who he TRULY was in the world. The true, real life Tamahome, not just a fictitious character in a book." She then tells Miaka and I that we are able to touch both worlds. We can choose which to live in. Miaka is pondering on this, her beautiful face worried, because this is a big decision. We have lives in either world, and must choose one. Nuriko begins to talk. "Go home. Besides, wasn't Taka born to live with you in the real world?" Miaka and I look at each other, and realize that this was the only thing we could have done. ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- "Remember Miaka, that we will be reborn soon." As they fade away into the red light that begins to bathe everything, I turn to Taka. "They helped us and loved us. That is why there are no goodbyes this time, either. Surely, someday..." I feel myself kneeling on the ground, and I find that I have a terrible, aching fear that it was all a dream and none of it was real. Irrational, you may call it, but I was desperately afraid all the same. What if... What if Taka wasn't there? After all the trials and pain, surely this was... this was too easy. "Miaka?" Yui. "Miaka, are you alright?" Tetsuya. "Miaka, what's wrong?" Keisuke. I feel the tears form in my eyes. They're... They're all there, except for Taka. I know it. "I'm a little... I'm a little afraid. Will everyone be there when I open my eyes? Taka? Will you be there right in front of me?" "Yes, I'm right here." I open my eyes and he _is_ there. "Taka!" Suddenly, everything looks brighter. It'll be alright. ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- "Hey, Taka. Come to think of it, the last of the seven stones... Where do you think they were?" "Oh. I understand. They were really close by... It was you." I hug her to me, and promise myself that I won't let her go. Never. Not in this life, or the next. "Taka, I'll keep walking. Always, from now on, with you... Ne, Tamahome?*" ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- *Ne= am I right? Tamahome= I think that's self-explanatory ^_^ ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- Three people walk along a beach, the waves lapping at the shore gently. The sky is a deep blue, completely clear. A wonderful night for stargazing. As we come closer, we see that it is a man, a woman, and a small boy, who is skipping along the shore happily. "Mama! Papa! Look at the sky! The stars are all looking at us!" The man smiles, and puts his arm around the woman. "Yes. They'll always watch over us." ------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^-------^-^------- And that, my friends, is the end. If you didn't get that last scene... All I can say is that you're not a romantic. You don't know all the warm, fuzzy moments you're missing out on. ^_^ *EnM bounces around for joy* I FINALLY finished it. Aaah, now I understand how hard it is to write something so LONG... *sigh* I hope that you guys liked. Email, now, ne? truly_susie@hotmail.com